The Hidden Battle: Why You Keep Getting in Your Own Way

You know that feeling.

“I want this so badly… so why do I keep ruining it?”

Whether it’s pulling away from a good relationship, missing a deadline, or avoiding the very thing that could help—you’re not alone.

This is the quiet, confusing world of self-sabotage. But what if it’s not sabotage at all?

What if it’s protection?

What self-sabotage really is, through the lens of IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy sees self-sabotage not as a flaw, but as a strategy. One created by a part of you that learned—often long ago—that moving forward isn’t safe.

That procrastinating part?
The one that picks fights before things get too close?
The part that numbs or distracts?

It’s not trying to hurt you. It’s trying to help you survive.

An example: The “don’t-get-too-visible” part

You’re offered a promotion. A part of you is thrilled. But suddenly, another part creates chaos. You miss a deadline. You doubt your worth. You withdraw.

IFS would gently ask:

• What is that part afraid will happen if you succeed?

• How long has it been carrying that fear?

• What would it need to feel safe enough to let you move forward?

Chances are, it’s trying to protect a much younger part of you - one that once felt shame, fear, or rejection when you stepped into the spotlight.

What IFS can offer you

IFS helps you meet these parts with curiosity instead of frustration. You learn to:

• Identify the protective strategies at play

• Hear what these parts fear or believe

• Help them feel safe enough to soften

• Lead from your calm, clear Self

Over time, what once felt like sabotage begins to feel like coherence.

You’re no longer fighting against yourself. You’re leading yourself.

Ready to get curious about your inner world?

At A New Chapter, IFS therapy is offered online for clients across Australia and the Asia-Pacific region. It’s a safe place to explore the protective patterns you’ve developed—and what’s possible when they no longer have to lead.

🕊️ Book a free 15-minute connection call

Explore more articles:

IFS Therapy: A Gentle Map for Inner Healing

When Your Inner Critic Sounds Like a Voice of Reason

Boundaries as an Act of Self-Honour