Boundaries as an Act of Self-Honour
Setting boundaries is not just about saying “no.”
It’s about remembering you’re allowed to say no.
For many of us, setting boundaries doesn’t come naturally. It’s not that we don’t know what to say, it’s that something inside us freezes, fawns, or folds the moment we try.
A part of us wants to speak up.
Another part is terrified of disappointing someone.
And somewhere in the background, a lifelong story loops:
“Good people don’t make things awkward.”
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Narrative Therapy, we approach boundaries not as a communication skill, but as a process of reconnection.
Reconnection with the parts of you that long for safety, and the stories that shaped what you believe about your worth.
In IFS, parts may have competing fears
From an IFS perspective, a struggle with boundaries often involves multiple parts in conflict.
One part might say, “I need space.”
Another might panic: “If you say that, you’ll be rejected.”
A third might jump in with shame: “You’re being too much.”
These parts aren’t irrational. They’re protective. Each one developed in response to a time when your needs were unsafe, ignored, or punished. Instead of forcing yourself to override them, IFS therapy invites you to listen.
What are these parts afraid of?
What burden are they carrying?
What do they need from your Self to trust you?
When your system feels safe, you can set boundaries not from reactivity, but from clarity.
Reframing boundaries
A respectful boundary is a bridge between your inner world and the outer one. It says:
“Here’s what helps me stay connected to you and myself.”
From that frame, boundaries become less about rejection and more about self-honour.
You’re not shutting people out. You’re showing up honestly. And with support from IFS Therapy, even the parts of you that tremble can learn to trust your leadership.
What might boundary work look like in therapy?
You might get to know the fawning part that avoids conflict, or the perfectionist that over-functions. You’ll learn how to stay grounded in your Self, not your fear.
Over time, you build the muscle of boundary-setting from a place of wholeness.
Ready to start honouring your needs without self-abandoning? IFS therapy available online across Australia and Asia-Pacific.
Book a free 15 minute connection call.
Explore other articles:
IFS Therapy: A Gentle Map for Inner Healing
Why You Keep Getting In Your Own Way (And What To Do About It)
