When Your Inner Critic Sounds Like the Voice of Reason
That voice in your head isn’t always cruel. Sometimes, it sounds helpful.
You’ve probably heard it.
“Don’t mess this up.”
“Be careful what you say.”
“You should’ve known better.”
It doesn’t scream. It quietly insists. And sometimes, it even sounds reasonable, like it’s just trying to help.
That’s why the inner critic is so tricky to work with. It often shows up disguised as logic, motivation, or tough love. But underneath the surface? There’s usually fear. Shame. And an overwhelmed part doing its best to protect you.
IFS therapy can help you hear it differently—and relate to it in a way that brings actual calm, not just more pressure.
What is the inner critic, really?
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), the inner critic may be a “manager” part - a protective part of you that tries to prevent harm. It believes that if it keeps you small, perfect, silent, or hyper-aware, you’ll avoid shame or rejection.
This part often formed early in life, shaped by environments where you felt judged, dismissed, or unsafe. It learned that the best way to keep you safe was to critique you before anyone else could.
In other words, the inner critic is usually trying to prevent pain, not cause it.
But it doesn’t realise you’ve grown. That you have access to wisdom now. That you can set boundaries, take risks, and repair mistakes without collapsing.
The IFS approach: compassion, not conflict.
IFS therapy doesn’t try to silence the inner critic. It doesn’t use affirmations to shout over it. Instead, it invites you to get curious.
You might begin by asking:
What does this part of me want me to know?
What is it afraid will happen if I don’t listen?
How long has it been carrying this burden?
Through gentle, respectful inner dialogue, you begin to separate your Self from the critic’s protective, fear-based strategies. The Self is the calm, clear, compassionate core of you.
And here’s the shift:
When the critic realises you (the Self) can handle life with steadiness, it starts to relax. It no longer has to work so hard.
A real-world example
Let’s say you’re about to send an email applying for something you care about. A part of you is excited. But another part suddenly says:
“You’re not ready. You’re not good enough. Just wait.”
In IFS, we’d slow down and listen to that voice. Ask it what it’s worried about. You might find that it’s terrified of rejection and is protecting a younger part of you that once felt humiliated for trying.
Instead of powering through or shutting it down, you hold space for it. Offer it warmth. Let it feel your leadership. From there, the choice to act (or not) comes from self-trust, not fear.
Learning to lead with Self
The goal isn’t to eliminate the inner critic, it’s to help it feel safe enough to soften. IFS aims to help you lead from your inner Self, not your inner tension.
That’s the quiet magic of IFS therapy.
At A New Chapter, I offer online IFS therapy for adults and adolescents across Australia and the Asia-Pacific. This work is especially powerful if you’re navigating self-doubt, people-pleasing, perfectionism, or invisible inner battles no one else can see.
Book a Free 15-minute connection call.
Explore other articles:
Why You Keep Getting In Your Own Way
